I've been thinking a lot about purpose lately. College does that to you...or maybe growing up does that to you. I don't know, but I want to know my purpose. I don't mean whether I'm going to be a doctor or a philosopher or a politician or nurse (hopefully I will do none of those things)...I mean my purpose-where my gaze is fixed. My end goal. My aim. I want to know my all-consuming all-encompassing drive.

If you're like me then, when you're in your twenties, there will be time when the world is REALLY loud. There will be a time when you realize that non-Christians are not necessarily mean and you have a gay guy friend who you love dearly. Maybe you'll like a man who doesn't love Jesus. There will be a time when you're mad at God because hell doesn't make sense and doesn't seem fair. You'll be mad at God because you feel lost-like a little girl who loses her Dad's hand in a crowd and then grabs the wrong man's hand, only to look up to see a stranger's face peering down at her. You'll feel like he has left you alone to figure it out. Nothing seems to be making sense and He doesn't seem to care. You'll feel abandoned.
SO. Here is my note to you during those times....
It is easy to become numb-- numb to curse words, numb to drunkenness, numb to being degraded as a woman, numb to the homeless, numb to the suffering around you, numb to the Holy Spirit speaking to you each day. At the same time, it is easy to become disillusioned-- disillusioned with other people's goals for you, disillusioned with money and school, disillusioned with other people's priorities that lead you to question your own.
This is hard, but necessary. You see, I don't grow up in the world my parents grew up in. Yes, they still had to chose to follow Jesus, but it was more the status quo. The insults of "bigot" and "intolerant" and "ignorant" were far less common. You, I fear, will grow up in an even more hostile environment. I find myself being so weak...afraid to stand up for the relationship that I claim is most important.

All this to say- the more I surrender, the more freedom I experience. I'm not sure about anything at this point (I'm only 21 for goodness sakes) but I THINK that your
purpose is found in the surrender.
P.S. Oxford is nice. It rains a lot. I sprained my ankle badly. The accents are wonderful. I study a lot (as expected) although probably not as much as I should. The architecture is breathtaking.
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