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Tuesday, December 10, 2013

typical tuesday

I didn't do much social media in high school. Now that I'm in college, I have a Facebook that I use as an excuse to not do anything. It would seem that it's time to take a break.
Missing the mountains. 
In other news, I'm going to be at school four days after the University shuts down- eating Raman noodles and cereal. I work Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday and I'm hoping it's slightly less eventful than my first shift. 
Are there people in your life who you see and you want to say a million things to, but nothing comes out? When they walk away, you can't decide if you would've changed anything, or if you would've just sat there and said nothing again. I have people like that. It's true that "some things are better left unsaid." ...even if it may relieve you to say them in the moment. Then again, we should be sure it isn't our stubborn and prideful selves being afraid of vulnerability, because vulnerability inevitably leads to either acceptance or rejection, and many would claim rejection is a tragic fate. 

I hope you had a happy Tuesday! 

Monday, December 9, 2013

real talk

I spent some time with my best friend today and we officially decided that doing the right thing sucks sometimes. I guess no one promised it would be easy. Some days the path just seems a little rockier and  narrower than usual.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

not sleeping

I don't sleep much these days.
My mind is preoccupied with unwanted thoughts. Why is it that I often want the things I can't have, and I  don't want the things I should?
"don't you think that daisies are the friendliest flower?"
Absolutely, Meg Ryan. 
I've decided that the suburbs of Atlanta are clouding my mind. I started work on Friday. I almost ate a deep fried rubber band (not my fault), I did the wobble with some drunk people, I dropped a napkin on a man's dessert, and I walked out at 2 a.m. Still, I'm thankful to have a job.
I wish I had some inspirational thought tonight, but I don't. Life is hard sometimes and occasionally I wish I had someone to bring me daisies and Hershey's chocolate bars when it all becomes overwhelming.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

listen to this as you read... just because.




meandering

I'm a people watcher. Big time.
Right now...
A boy wipes his face with tired hands as he stares despairingly down at his papers.
Someone scrolls through social media while their notes sit unstudied on their lap.
The pizza maker flirts with an unsuspecting girl who fills her plate with garlic rolls and smiles distractedly.

They're all headed in a direction.  They're headed to finals, and then eventually to graduation, and then eventually to a job, and probably, down the road, to a mini-van with four kids.
We often have plans, but we don't always have dreams. Sometimes we let society choose our plans, sometimes we let our parents, expectations, or logic, but I think that the future should belong to our dreams (as Disney Channel as it sounds...)
For the moment, I'm feeling a little aimless and thinking maybe it's okay to wonder. Maybe it's okay to explore until I figure it out. Maybe a little wandering is good for the soul.
Dreaming often involves failure, always involves faith, and sometimes involves pain, but it leaves no room for regret-and for that reason, I think it's worth it.

May we be brave enough to do what it takes to discover what we want.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

stupidity

Do you ever say things you shouldn't? I do...all the time. They can be the truest statements in the world, but they're also completely unnecessary. Why do I say them anyway? Recently I've realized that I'd rather say unnecessary (maybe hurtful) things, than feel like I'm left humiliated and unloved. It would seem that I'm perfectly willing to be unkind if it means preserving my pride and satisfying my desire for vindication. Tears dry, pain dulls, but apparently my ego is too fragile to heal. The ironic part is that the Lord of the universe allowed himself to be humiliated to the point of going to a cross, and I can't seem to get over a little indifference.

Monday, December 2, 2013

time

It's finals week! I literally haven't picked up a book to study. I just can't believe it's already here. It seems like yesterday I arrived at Kennesaw State with an incredible amount of expectation. First semester is drawing to a close, despite my doubt, and I'm hoping that a sense of urgency will overtake my current state of apathy. Time is flying by faster and faster (the old people are right)--the days often seem slow, but months pass like a breath.
May we learn to cherish every moment, knowing that there is something to learn or appreciate in every menial task...every rainy cold Monday.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

mistakes

A few days ago I went home, and I made a
mistake. It was a busy weekend, but the few free hours I had, I spent sitting in an old barn with my horse sleeping on one side and my dog sleeping on the other. In that moment I was content. There was a sense of peace that cannot be described with the written (typed?) word.
The peace didn't last, and next thing I knew I was swept into a nasty whirlwind of discontent. It came like a wave, and I felt like I was sinking--like I was being left behind while the world was experiencing  new and exciting things. I became weary of doing good. My faith faltered, and I lost all belief in what I had previously known to be true. Within a day or two, I was pursuing something I didn't want, because I simply wanted to feel something. I craved excitement, the thrill of the unknown and the unexplored.
The excitement was real for a moment, but it was fleeting. I'm left feeling empty.
I'm sickened by how often I run towards things (people, Netflix, food, morality) for comfort, satisfaction, and distraction when I know the source of everything good.
May our relationship with Jesus become so personal that we are unwilling to compromise it.

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."
-Galations 6:9

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." -2 Cor. 12:9